15 Thoughts Commuters Have on a Daily Basis

In no particular order of frequency…

Do mind readers walk among us? What if there is one on this train with me right now? I shouldn’t feel embarrassed. They’re probably like gynaecologists: they’ve seen it all, so nothing shocks them. But maybe if I think of something really weird in, like, caps lock or word art or something, one of them will flinch and break their cover. Okay. One, two, three…GOAT PORN.

Oh my gosh. Did I just fart? I can’t tell if that was the kind that only makes a noise in your body or in the world. I’ve got to stop listening to my music so loud, or else I’ll never be able to tell.

I’m gonna be so late.

Dammit. That’s the third person I’ve seen with an umbrella. It’s definitely going to rain today. I’ve really got to start checking my weather app before I leave the house.

My reflection always looks so beautiful in the train windows. It’s like an Instagram filter or something. Why can’t I look this way in real life?

These TTC operators love each other so much. Like they stop and chat with each other as they’re switching crews, and even on the buses the drivers wave to each other as they pass by. When do they even get a chance to get to know each other? I wonder if they’ve been to each other’s houses. It’s like a movie. I bet they’ve even shared a loss or something, and they all went to the guy’s funeral and pointed at his coffin as they walked by. Like in that movie Remember the Titans. Minus the football. And the racism.

My metropass is like my car keys.

“Thank you for riding the Rocket”? What rocket?! I’ve met nonagenarians who move faster.

I could conceive a baby, carry it to term, give birth to it, and then name it in the time it takes to get from Eglinton to Lawrence Station.

YES! This driver has a sleeve. Drivers with sleeve tattoos drive with purpose. These guys turn a regular bus into an express bus. I might actually get to work on time.

Delay? Where? What did he say? Can lessons on how to properly talk into a speaker be incorporated into the TTC training manual?

I’ll begin reviewing these notes starting from the next stop.

We should replace racism, sexism – all of the negative “isms” – with pure, unadulterated hatred towards people who chew with their mouths open.

I hope this couple knows I’m just staring at them because I love them. #SwirlNation #SwirlNation #SwirlNation

Is my music too loud?

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